
She wouldn’t be who she is without her garden…
I didn’t want to write this. I’ve been back and forth, afraid to post it. But I have this feeling I Have To. Know what I mean? Not for me, but for Someone Out There. I hope it somehow brings you peace, whoever you are.
So to preface the story:
It’s been a hair less than half my life now, since my ma has been gone. For the first five years, I was so pissed at her for dying that I couldn’t — wouldn’t — grieve. Never shed a single tear. Never said a word.
Yes, I have written about her before, but nothing like what happened today. I guess my new habit of getting up early and writing in the raw early hours every day has allowed me to reach depths I wasn’t able to get to before.
Because suddenly today, 38 years later, the wee-est hole in my stubborn, selfish brain cracked open, and it was so obvious — she had never chosen to die! She was too strong, too wayward, to determined, to want to leave. Something had to have creeped in and sabotaged her cosmic ship for her to give it up. Continue reading →