Because love is a verb. And it acts a million times more powerfully than our puny little minds can imagine.
At 13, my dentist decided that deflowering me right in the open, right on the dentist chair, would be a cool thing to do.
I was so shocked, so surprised, so absolutely flummoxed that I felt empty, void, deflated, suspended from anything I’d ever known before. I was the embodiment of the thousand-yard stare.
I felt so helpless and so betrayed that I ended up wanting to hurt everyone, even people who were not involved in any way, and even people who would have helped if they’d known how I felt, and if they’d known how.
I even wanted to hurt the people who did know what to do. I was so disconnected from everyone I became dirty reclaimed motor oil to their pure water.
I felt like nothing could reconnect us —
and didn’t even want to be reconnected.
I didn’t know what to do with myself. A 24/7 migraine crippled me for years. Tremors would run down my arms, jerking my hands, destroying anything I was writing or drawing. My legs would bounce up and down and shake the table I’d be sitting at, as if they wanted to jump up and run away with me.
Licks of anger formed in the bottom of my belly. They were delicious. They made me feel less helpless. I liked how they ranted and railed against people and the shitty things done to me and to others. I liked dreaming up the most gruesome things to do to that poor excuse for a human being who started it all.
I became so full of rage I could hardly contain myself in my own skin. I sizzled to the touch. Any part of me who was nice, kind, decent, became an outcast in my own head.
I dug up and practiced swearing curses sailors would die of embarrassment to utter. I practiced hurtful phrases, and uttered them behind my teeth at people I didn’t like. I tried to become a worse bad-ass than the worst ones in my classes. Even they shook their heads at some of the things I said and did.
Am I proud of that? Well, yes and no.
No — seeing how I hurt people? Not a fun thing. I have begged and prayed and tapped for days on forgiveness.
Yes — am I glad I was able to develop an amazing inner strength because of that one incident? Oh yeah.
But I sure wish I’d known then what I know now about trauma and mindset, and anger, and fear, and how all that affects our minds and bodies, and our entire life.
In this time of heightened crises and trauma, I still have to keep reminding myself to avoid anger and vengeful thinking. It does no one any good, and only hurts me.
What’s that saying? Your anger at someone is like drinking poison and expecting them to die? Like that.
A friend asked me, “if I’m angry, doesn’t it spur me on to DO something about the problem? Isn’t that doing some good?”
He has a point, indeed! Allowing the energy of the anger to be transformed into solution-based thinking is a cool way to use his anger energy.
But what if he wanted pay-back?
What if he wastes his day worrying about some far away place upon which he has no way to have any impact?
What if he spends all day thinking and moaning and bitching about a problem … without trying to think of a solution?
Now those are destructive thoughts. They go nowhere, do nothing to solve anything, and wear him down. The energy of the destructive thoughts not only wears at his mind and physical body, but lowers his vibrational frequency.
How do you stop sinking into anger?
How do you stop burning with rage, thinking about world events you have no control over?
How do you stop falling into fear, helplessness, powerlessness and despair?
You’ll probably diss me for this, but —
You have to DECIDE to stop.
Can it really be that simple? Yes.
Does it take courage? Yes.
Does it take time? Yes.
So what? What’s better? Spending your life energy on rage, say, during a 30-minute time frame? Or skewing your thoughts to attempt a solution, in that 30 minutes? Pretty obvious.
Because you’re the Boss.
You’re the only one in your body.
You get to decide what you do with your own thoughts and energy.
If you don’t decide to change things, who will?
Are you going to continue to be controlled by others?
By the default Narrative?
Or are you going to start observing how you’re thinking, and choose to say, “Hey wait a minute — I’m feeling so angry about ___ , but can’t change it! So what CAN I do?”
There are a myriad of answers:
• You could write articles, teach classes, go on podcasts, volunteer at places that help folks.
• You can start thinking of ways to help the people involved do something constructive.
• What if gathered a few folks together and created solutions, if there are none yet.
• You can make donations to a cause, or volunteer your time and energy.
I could go on, but there are hundreds of great options.
Can you think up more and put them in the comments below?
What if you can’t help overtly?
If you have no money, or are restricted physically, or have some other condition or circumstance that disallows you to do any of those things:
The easiest thing is to simply send love.
I know, I know — sounds so simplistic. Silly, even.
However, I’ve asked for love from folks, and boy did things change for me!
I’ve asked others to help me send love, and again, boy did things change!
I remember a while ago someone asked his large mailing list of high-thinking people to send love energy to a particular storm that threatened his area. It would have devastated thousands if it hit. The storm moved.
Love heals. Simple as that.
Love exists on all levels, no matter how gross, deep, foul, disgusting, stinky or malevolent — there is still love present there.
CALL IT UP!
Ask it to rise up and help you!
Ask it to help others stuck in The Bad!
Because Love is not a noun, a thing, limited, finite.
It’s a Verb, of the very Highest vibration,
and it will rise to any occasion you ask of it.
YOU may not see it, or hear it, or feel it, or see it working.
But IT knows. And acts.
And it acts a million times more powerfully than our puny little minds can imagine.
Love is EVERYwhere.
It knows EVERYthing.
It exists at all times.
It permeates all things.
And it responds faster than you can say Jack Sprat could eat no fat!
No kidding — start asking yourself: “what is the opposite of what I was just thinking?
Like, maybe you might have been thinking something like, “I’m so angry that people’s homes were destroyed on Maui!And it seems they just can’t get a break and get real help.”
Does that help anyone? Nope.
So what would help?
You have to admit you feel helpless and angry. That way, you can see the scope and power of the energy you’re feeling, so you can transform it.
“I feel so angry. I’m taking the pure energy behind my anger, and shifting it into love and creative energy.”
Then look for the opposites — things that could be done to resolve the problem.
Start asking, ‘what’s the opposite?’
Like this: I’m seeing all the folks on Maui who lost their homes.
So now, instead of indulging in anger,
• I’m gathering my energy and I’m sending love and support vibes to them.
• I’m imagining them getting amazing brilliant help from attorneys who know their shit and can get their homes back from the greedy people who want to steal their lands.
• I’m hearing them singing their aloha songs and chants.
• I’m seeing them form a solidarity no one can break.
• I’m feeling so much love for them, I can barely hold it in.
• Wait — why am I holding it in? I could do this:
Here, Maui — I’m sending you all that love and well wishing and support that I’m feeling — swoooooosssshhhh!”
I know, you’re probably thinking, “Angela, you are certifiably nuts, girl! You really think that’s going to help?”
Yup. I don’t just think it will, I know it will.
I guaran-damn-tee you that if you do this:
1. Start to observe your thoughts and emotions,
2. Start asking for the opposites to what’s making you upset,
3. And choose to find some way of implementing the positive thoughts, feelings and actions you think up . . .
… Your life — and your world — will change so fast you’ll have to get roller skates to keep up with it.
Because your thoughts really do take wing, and fly out far, far, far beyond you!
Thanks for reading my story. I hope it helps, and inspires you to send your own thoughts of love far, far out beyond yourself!
Image: My Thoughts Fly Out Far Beyond Me
© Angela Treat Lyon 2002
Prints on paper, acrylic and metal available — contact me.
Text: © Angela Treat Lyon 2023