It’s funny how the Universe steps in right when you need it, isn’t it?
Fifteen years ago, I was at such a low point in my life that I almost cashed in. I had been depressed for eons, but at this time, to me there just simply seemed no use in going on.
But I couldn’t do that – I had obligations – I was Artist-in-Residence at the time, in a tiny town on the South Island in New Zealand. I had been teaching Carving, Drawing, Painting and Creative Writing, and I didn’t want to let everyone down. So I just slogged on, making like I was OK, with my guts upside down and a head full of really destructive thoughts.
How did she DO that?
There was a gal in my writing class who was a very talented writer, but she always looked utterly miserable. Her hair and clothing were always scruffy and disheveled; and she was so emotionally fragile that if you even looked at her she’d burst into tears. She disappeared for a few weeks.
One afternoon as I gathered everyone together to start the class, there she was. Her hair was clean and cut nicely, she had on stylish clothes, her boots were clean of mud … and she actually – gasp! – was smiling!
I asked her where she’d been – “Oh no where.” OK. And what she had done to get happy? “Oh, EFT. I found it on the internet.” And that was all she said.
As soon as the class was over, I raced home and looked up EFT online. The moment I read about what it was, I knew at the very deepest level that this was what I had been searching for too long to think about.
I knew instinctively that this was the key to getting free of the constant fear, anger and pain I experienced inside, and that there really was hope for getting to some sort of happy equilibrium. And as it turned out, it was.
But One Part of Tapping Eluded Me….
When you first learn the basic ‘recipe’ of EFT, or tapping, as it is casually known, one of the phrases you learn is this: “I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”
I couldn’t say it. At first, I couldn’t even whisper it.
As I tapped a bit more, I could say it out loud, but I felt like a complete liar and fraud. It stopped me in my tracks for a week, until I realized – “Aha! I can TAP on that!”
So I did. For two weeks solid. I figured if >I< couldn’t love and accept myself, certainly no one else would, either. How could I go on without completely accepting who I was? It would be a sham.
So I kept tapping – all day as many chances and times I got. Until finally, I was able to honestly say, “I deeply and completely love and accept myself,” without any little part of my mind saying, “yeah right,” or “uh-huh, suuuure.”
There was no back-echo. I really did love myself.
Is it me? Or my behavior? Or What?
I thought I hated myself. But I was wrong – It wasn’t >me< I hated. It was the fear, anger and pain that I hated.
It was the helplessness I hated, the feeling that no matter what I did, my life was useless and that I was powerless to change it.
And what caused the pain? My thinking.
It was all about how I perceived everything. From my view of the world, of people, and of my memories.
How I perceived that people looked at me or talked about me. How I thought about money, and how I thought that life itself was all screwed up and no way to fix it. I had really, really bad thought habits.
Those thought-habits changed as I tapped on each one. I felt myself lighten – as if someone had lit a light bulb inside of me.
What IS this???
At last, one morning I awoke and couldn’t figure out what it was, but it felt like something was missing.
It took me a full hour to realize that the thoughts I usually woke up with – the heaviness, the dread of the day – why bother get up, no one loves me, no one wants my art work, blah-blah-pathetic-self-pity-poor-poor-me-blah-blah – they were gone.
And I actually FELT happy!
I screamed! My housemate thought there was a fire or something and came bursting into my room, all worried – and stopped dead in her tracks seeing me sitting there laughing and crying. I was happy! I hadn’t felt truly, deeply happy in such a long time that I hadn’t recognized it upon waking.
And I could honestly say, “I may not love everything I do or have done, but I really do deeply and completely love and accept myself.”
A dear friend asked me the other day if I loved myself. And I can still say, yes indeedy!
If not, you know what to do – hi thee over to EFTBooks.com and get my book, Change Your Mind with EFT, the Basics. And use the heck out of it. Tap along with me in the stories inside the book as I show you how to love yourself and all of your life.
You deserve to love yourself, and to receive all the love that’s out there in the Universe, just waiting for you to be able to open your arms so it can rush on in.