But I did have a few pretty traumatizing events happen in my teens that made me keenly aware of my mortality. By the time I was 19, I cried myself to sleep every night, afraid I wouldn’t awaken the next day. I had no supporting faith to pillow my mind or heart.
Then I bumped into a book called The Robe, about the Roman soldier who was put in charge of holding Jesus’ robe when Jesus was put up on the cross. I found it very moving, and dived into Christianity to see if I liked it.
I did and I didn’t. The Old Testament – what a sordid story! Jesus’ teachings were sweet and pure, but what people did and still do in his name made/makes me sick.
Thus, I started looking elsewhere. I studied the Eastern faiths, and got even deeper into, studied, trained in and even got certified in some of the many and various common and esoteric psychic phenomena, channeling, healing, astrology, numerology and other ‘ologies, Old Masters, and metaphysics.
After a 50+ year search, I have come to the conclusion that there is no man-made organization that fits what I now feel about the whole thing.
I’ve simply come to think of ‘god’ as That.
It’s that unknowable, unthinkable, never-ending, infinitely enormous, raw, and richly alive expanse of Something/Nothing that I can jusssst barely perceive – that exists at the corner of the corner of my eye if I don’t look right at it…
If I get still, and allow myself to feel/hear EVERYthing, I can hear it – kind of…
If I get still, I can ‘see’ it – kind of…
Where ever It is, what ever It is, it fills me with joy – sometimes to the point of tears.
It quiets me when I’m afraid.
Lately, it has given me great comfort.
It tells me everything that is mine is already here for me, and all there is to do is match my vibrational frequencies to the highest ones possible, and all will be fine.
So far, it’s true. When I remember to make the high choice – not the choice from the needy or fearful place in my thoughts – it comes true – and even better than I’d have ever thought.
This covid adventure is a case in point – I had been completely freaked that I’d end up on the street for lack of sales.
Instead, I’ve received unemployment benefits that not only paid back bills I was petrified about, but my rent, AND has allowed me to restock my studio with supplies.
I feel so full of gratitude I can hardly bear it sometimes.
In some faiths, a fish is a symbol of That.
Fish really does know The Way.
SURELY, FISH KNOWS THE WAY
Gouaches on Sumi ink, 5″ x 7″ – prints available.