We learn to hide the pain. We feel unacceptable. We learn to present happy faces, calm demeanors, soft voices — where what we really feel like doing is screaming until our throats rip apart. Be kind. That’s what comes to … Continue reading
Tag Archives: inner spirit
I don’t know about you, but I’m sick to death of people telling me what I ‘should’ buy or ‘should’ do. Use the Law of Attraction! Do this technique! You should eat green! You should stop eating sugar! Use this … Continue reading
The secrets every last one of the characters carries are all starting to dribble out, with horrifying consequences. Everyone’s true nature is being revealed. I’ve been watching a fairly new show on Amazon called POWER. You have to know that … Continue reading
Images flooded my panicked mind of internet police coming to Get Me and Punish Me, hoards of angry women descending upon my house and doing Bad Things to me, being banned from being online forever…. The first time a customer … Continue reading
I was astonished — I didn’t remember ‘screaming bloody murder’! I said so, and he laughed and said, “Yep, you sure was, and boy was it loud, yeah man!” Huh. The second time I was raped was a far cry … Continue reading
…his voice was deep, gravelly. For some odd reason, I felt like I could totally trust him, so I told him I was just back in town, 54, no place to live, sleeping in my car, yadda yadda. Him nodding, … Continue reading
Burt is the kind of friend everyone should have. He holds little babies as if they were the gods’ own precious lights; plays with the toddlers; treats little girls and boys to merry-go-rounds, lots of colorfully illustrated books, pencils, and … Continue reading
I went home that day all stirred up inside. I had no idea it was wrong of him to touch me. I had no idea it was what we’d call grooming, now. I just knew…. I was 13 years old … Continue reading
On a dark mid-November day in 1982, the boisterous, heavy-breathing Hurricane Iwa* swept in and wreaked havoc upon the island of Kauai, in Hawaii. (*pronounced EE-vah) I was a studio potter and stone caver. My kids and I lived in … Continue reading
Just by looking at people’s feet, I could always pretty much dependably tell who was American and who was European (or other nationality) before I even met them. Whereas we bumpkin Yanks almost always wore some brand of tennis shoes, … Continue reading
The Quarry In 1989, I was thrilled to be invited to go carve marble in a weeks-long workshop in Lucca, Italy, under the instruction of a bona fide marble-carving maestro, Professore Roberto Bertola. I was excited because up until that … Continue reading
I birthed my younger son at home. Labor had started at 10 pm, but I went to bed anyway, exhausted from canning tomatoes all day. I awoke with a bang at 3 am, though, and somehow, as daddy went to … Continue reading
The second time I was raped was a far cry from the first. Looking back, I count what happened to me that day as a stroke of incredible good fortune for myself, and out-of- the-blue evidence of amazing community solidarity … Continue reading
Lately I’ve been really struggling with sleep imbalance. It’s so strange – I can sleep 2 or 3 hours, but then my legs get all jumpy and I have to get up. Then within an hour or three, my eyes … Continue reading
Recently I watched one of those ‘cute’ animal videos where a seal was bouncing a ball around and playing catch with its trainer in one of those sea life shows. I wanted to relf. Seals belong OUTside. They are cute, … Continue reading
Have you ever felt like there was a mean mad genie inside your computer who just does not want you to get a single thing to work? I swear, there are days it would be better to go back to … Continue reading
Exactly 20 years ago today (April 1, 2021), I returned to the US from my year and a half stint as the first Artist-in-Residence for Gore, New Zealand. I left NZ at 7 am on April 1st, and after a … Continue reading
Sometimes, before the sun is up all the way, the wind skittles across the glassy-smooth surface of the ocean, and it looks like a pinky-blue streaked mirror. The swells come rolling in, incessant, constant, hypnotic. Every so often, the current … Continue reading
I grew up on a small harbor right off Long Island Sound. We used to go down to the little beach near our house and watch the 12-meter racing boats cruise into the harbor on their practice days. So exciting … Continue reading
I think I have mentioned that, for 35 years, I carried in the back of my mind, continual, persistent, destructive thoughts of offing myself. Wondering, how can I do it – pills? A gun? A knife? Drive over a cliff? … Continue reading
I’m taking a 4-week class on how to paint waves. My first painting was a complete dud – as were #s 2, 3, and 4. And 5. Ugh. Today’s was, too. Well, it was a wee bit better, but did … Continue reading
I like looking at old documents. Did you know that at one time, writing materials – especially parchment – were so precious that people wrote in tiny, tight script in one direction, and then turned the page 90 degrees, and … Continue reading
I had this idea that I was going to do a pastel of a stunning cactus plant I saw. I had it all drawn out and ready to go, and started applying the pastels…. And discovered that I had bitten … Continue reading
For the last few days I have been a social cactus. I’ve been so irritable I felt like I could bite someone’s head off. Not sure why – seems like a lot of the tension from the last few years … Continue reading
Recently, I figured out a way to take thoughts of resistance and resentment and cook them up into new dishes of peace and calm. It’s not that hard. You kind of have to be a bit detached in order to … Continue reading
I was cruising on Facebook, when I saw that my friend, Bruce, who lives in South Africa, had posted 3 or 4 posts saying stuff like, “…Bruce Maxwell Cross …This is my journey thru an incredible life as I lay … Continue reading
This is dedicated to any frustrated artist… I attended an intense marketing workshop today. It made me cry. It put me right smack dab up against the years of deep conditioning I have fought my entire life. I absolutely loved … Continue reading
When my kids were little, they were friends with a pair of brothers whose mother was insanely over-protective. She used to drive me nuts. I can still hear her shrill shriek, “Don’t climb that wall, you’ll fall off! If you … Continue reading
It was 1966. I was 21. I was new to California culture, having been brought up back East. I had come west to stay with an aunt and uncle in San Francisco, after I divorced my first husband. I eventually … Continue reading
In an argument with my son a few days before I left Hawaii to live in California at the end of 2018, he asked me if I had ever had myself checked for mental illness. I was so shaken by … Continue reading