This morning I was working with ‘Sam’, a coaching client. At one point in our session, he asked if I was disappointed in his lack of progress.
I was surprised, because he has been making huge leaps and bounds, and, to my mind, didn’t even go near ‘lack of progress.’ He’s so far ahead of where he was 5 months ago you couldn’t really call him the same person.
But people’s feeling are their feelings. They have no logic at all, nor do they have any basis in anyone else’s thoughts. So my own perception of Sam had nothing to do with what he saw for himself.
In truth, deeper than the question of whether or not I was disappointed, what was more real for him was a fear that he had no value and that, try as he might, he wasn’t going to ‘get anywhere’.
Even deeper than that was his unspoken request for love. Love just as he is, without any demands for change, for improvement, for being anything other than who and what he was right then.
It’s really easy, when you hear a question like, “Are you disappointed in me?” to go into all the reasons why you are or are not. It’s really easy to get into a lot of words, leaving the feelings behind in a cloud of mental dust.
I want to suggest that next time someone asks you how you feel about them, you remember to stop and take a breath and, rather than going into great philosphical or mental reassurances, or using quotes or handy phrases, ask yourself what they are really asking from you.
That person is really saying, “I’ve lost my track and feel a little scared. Do you love me just the way I am? Can you help me get back on track? Do you love me?” They just want to get back to feeling OK about themselves.
Why take a breath? We all hear that instruction a lot and don’t think much why we should do such a thing.
First, it calms you down and helps you be non-reactive. Once you feel more calm, you now can respond from a place of kindness, rather than knee-jerk fast-thinking.
Second, it allows your intuition and inner wisdom the second or two it needs to come forth, and helps your your knee-jerk thoughts to move to the back of your mind.
Third – and this is what you may not know – you are breathing that person in. You are receiving him. You are paying him a huge honor, receiving him into your mind/body.
Fourth, now you can feel the love in your heart. It doesn’t even have to be for that person! It’s just love, and it’s just there. So feel it, and allow it to fill you and leak out of your eyes and every pore of your skin.
NOW you are ready to reply! And what did that take to breathe in? Two seconds? And what did it take for you to reach in and feel your own inner source of love? One nanosecond?
Go forth and love – that’s what we’re here for!
Angela Treat Lyon • The Gateway to Angela: AngelaTreatLyon.com. You’re welcome to use this in your own newsletter or blog. Please include the whole article and this box with the live link. Thanks! © Angela Treat Lyon 2009 • All Rights Reserved